Easing Phobias

It's essential to understand Agoraphobia and Claustrophobia are not anxiety disorders, although they are closely related. Phobias are a learned response. Your amygdalae remember every emotion you have ever experienced and have tried to keep you safe from danger by alerting you to it. You have learned to fear the sensations your body experiences when alerted in certain situations. These fears can cause phobias and panic attacks.

 

Your amygdalae, which I refer to as your inner fish, manage your emotions and control your "flight, fight, or freeze" response. Your amygdalae remember everything you have ever experienced and learned since birth, including your perceptions about the world you live in and about yourself, whether true or false.

 

There are physical causes of phobias and anxiety attacks, such as mitrovalve proplapse, vitamin and mineral deficiencies and microbial imbalances in the gut, for a phobia surfacing in your life. The information below is primarily for understanding thought processes that can lead to phobias and what you can do to ease "mind-based" phobias. 

Fear Responses

Normal Fear Response

 

Okay. Imagine, as a child, seeing a snake slithering away harmlessly. Imagine being terrified anyway and running away. Your amygdalae file this information in your memory bank to be used whenever necessary to keep you safe in the future. The next time you see a snake, your amygdalae will respond by making you want to run away, no matter your age, which is a normal response.

 

 

Fast Track Fear Response

 

Since your amygdalae remember everything, they can create a fast-track response. A fast-track response may happen the second time you see a snake. Since it was already on file in your memory, you may react faster to get away or make you freeze in your tracks. Either way, the reaction time is shorter.

 

Let's say you see a snake (even a toy one). Your amygdalae can signal your emotions to run away again even though you are all grown up and know better. This kind of fast-track response is what causes phobias.

 

Your fear response is a built-in physical device related to emotions, and every time you feel any amount of pressure, the amygdalae will respond by throwing the fear response out there in front of you, even if you don't need it. And your fear response doesn't have to make sense. It's just going to do whatever your amygdalae tells it. Fast-track fear responses can cause general anxiety and panic attacks.

 

For example, let's say the babysitter is late. Then, you get a flat tire on the way to work and fear your boss will be mad. Now, you are thinking about how you might get fired. What then? Who will pay the bills? How will the rent get paid? What if you get evicted? Where will you go? The pressure is on, and your inner fish are gulping for air. You're getting nervous and sweaty. Your hands are shaking, and you are breathing more heavily even though you haven't yet lifted that tire. That's your inner fish going haywire.

 

Your amygdalae will file away fears related to catastrophic thinking every time. They store your thoughts as truths and make you respond to them on many levels of your being, causing false startles down the road.

 

 

False Startles

 

When your inner fish sense stress and go into overdrive unnecessarily and create false starts, which I call false startles, and try to protect you from things you don't need protection from, you have a problem.

 

Let's say you find yourself standing in the grocery store check-out line and, suddenly, feel terror, as if your plane is about to fall out of the sky. You don't know why the "fight, flight, or freeze" response has kicked in. It makes no sense, and this frightens you even more. Your heart starts to beat wildly and trips over itself, and suddenly, you don't feel like you are breathing well. All you know is that you feel like a fish out of water, and it's time to go! You are now fully engaged in a false startle.

 

You abandon your shopping cart, hoping to make it to your car before passing out. You imagine how embarrassing that would be. Now you're getting tunnel vision, terrified, and confused, and you know only one thing. You don't want to feel this way ever again! You may even begin to avoid places, objects, people, and situations that remind you of how you felt because you fear feeling that way again. No one likes feeling like a fish out of water.

 

Some panic attacks are situational. They often occur at the same place, such as the mall or the dentist's office. Other panic attacks are more spontaneous and can happen anywhere at any time.

 

 

The Anatomy of an Anxiety Attack

 

Anxiety disorders indicate your inner fish being hypersensitive and out of control. In other words, your inner fish are working overtime and beginning to assume things, like waiting in a grocery store line, is something to fear, which to the amygdalae makes perfect sense but does not to the person experiencing a panic attack.

 

During a panic attack, what's happening physically, is that one of your inner fish has sent the message that you are in danger. Your sympathetic nervous system activates certain hormones, such as adrenaline, and sends instantaneous blood flow to and from various body parts. Rapid blood flow causes a reduction of oxygen to tissues, leading to tunnel vision, light-headedness, dizziness, shakiness, and heart speed changes. You'll likely never pass out. But, if you ever do, your panic will instantly subside, your breathing will return to normal, and you will wake up after a few minutes, probably embarrassed and frightened, but okay.

 

Highly Sensitive People (those people born with the trait of sensitivity) are at particular risk for stress disorders simply because they are so sensitive. Why is this? It's because of the hypersensitive connection between the amygdalae and the sympathetic nervous system.

Agoraphobia

30 years ago or so, panic attacks and phobias, such as agoraphobia, were not much understood by the average psychologist, much less the average person. Many people spent years in therapy without ever being cured. Often they were considered crazy and left to believe that they were damaged and broken beyond repair. Many counselors and therapists are still trying to get to the root of panic and anxiety through psychotherapy and by prescribing anti-depressants in the hope that by coming to terms with your past, you will, somehow, get better and be able to create new memories uncontaminated by negative emotions in the present. But more often than not, it doesn't work. What is important is that you understand your fear of fear in physical terms (and by now, you should realize you are reacting to your bodily sensations and why) and focus on making physical and mental adjustments.

 

Agoraphobia is the avoidance of being in public and is a matter of conditioning. For example, you went to your favorite restaurant with your friends and had a wave of panic washed over you while ordering dinner. You brushed it off as a reaction to hunger, but you couldn't stop thinking about it. A week later, you are back at your favorite restaurant with friends and have another wave of panic in the middle of dinner. This time you knew you weren't hungry and couldn't explain away your feelings, which significantly disturbs you. You excused yourself and splashed some water on your face, but you felt anxious for the rest of the time you were there. The next time your friends want you to eat at the restaurant, you say no because you are afraid of another panic attack. You agree to eat somewhere else. Only the same thing happens again, but worse. This time you had trouble breathing and thought you would pass out before going to the restroom. Over the next few weeks or months, you have panic attacks at other places, the store, the office, and the park, that day while walking through the community art event. You have already decided not to go to those places again without even thinking about it, which is the beginning of agoraphobia. This pattern of avoidance becomes a prison where your home and the walls you are confined in are your only sense of security. You won't leave. If you do, it will only be with another person to steady you emotionally.

 

As I have said before, anyone can suffer from anxiety, panic, phobias, and depression, as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is stress felt after the fact. Those who have suffered abuse, trauma, torture, or situations of extreme fear, boredom (drudgery), or deprivation can experience delayed responses to stress, sometimes years later. When this happens, the sufferer may not be aware of what they are reacting to emotionally or physically. Life has become a series of false startles, causing anxiety and panic attacks. 

 

 

Coping Strategies for Agoraphobia

 

The following are coping strategies for those who have agoraphobia. Becoming a hermit is not the sole purpose of these suggestions. They are meant only to help you regain control over your circumstances and help eliminate some of your worries and panic over being able to function in your world as an agoraphobic should you be struggling with the belief that you hold your cure within your mind.

 

• If you are struggling with agoraphobia (fear of leaving your home), it can be beneficial to get counseling from someone who specializes in agoraphobia to have mind-based therapy to support you while you are working on sense-based activities. Equally helpful is belonging to a group of people like yourself, so you don't feel isolated and alone.

 

• Find a support person you trust who can go with you to doctor appointments and other outings, which can be a friend or relative who understands your condition and won't leave you standing in the store's freezer section all by yourself.

 

• Provide yourself with structure and routine. Get up and go to bed at the same time each day. Plan regular outings, even when you don't feel like it. Especially then, unless, of course, you are ill. Your outing could be as simple as walking out your front door to check the mail or as elaborate as attending a function with your support person. The important thing is stepping out of the house every day.

 

• Consider getting a companion dog. Dogs make wonderful support companions and give you purpose. The idea is not to become dependent on someone else but to provide yourself with some support that allows you independence while working on goals to overcome your anxiety. If you are concerned about shopping for your dog, you can always order dog food and supplies online. On days you can't get out, you can play with your dog in the yard or hire someone to walk your dog. On the other hand, having a cat may be all you need for those moments when all you need is a "fur-baby" hug. Cats are more independent than dogs and provide peaceful company. Some cats (and ferrets) can be trained to walk outside on a leash.  

 

• Visit online groups or forums about anxiety and phobias.

 

• Use online bill pay for credit cards and other accounts. Visit your store or office online and follow their instructions for making payments online.

 

• Order groceries or take-out and have them delivered to your door. You can make your check out in advance or even pay online before delivery.

 

• Place movies and books on hold at the library to pick them up at the counter immediately.

 

• Use a service like NetFlix to have movies delivered to your mailbox or pay-per-view through your cable company.

 

• Online shopping for anything and everything is a breeze.

 

Many of the coping skills I have shared with you are enjoyable activities. Each may undoubtedly be used to can be used to prevent and manage occasional periods of anxiety, panic, phobias, and depression. However, keep reading if you are still experiencing anxiety, panic, depression, or phobias.

Let Go of Fear of Fear and "What If?"

FEAR DOESN'T EXIST

 

Fear doesn't exist. Well, it does but only in your mind. Think about this for a minute. Fear isn't something outside of you. It can't attack you. It's not contagious, and you can't give it away. You can't even make yourself fearful on command unless you put yourself in danger. Even then, the fear you feel is caused by worrying about something in the future, what might happen, what could happen, what should or shouldn't happen, or fear of "What if?" something happens at all, but it still isn't real. Fear is not a danger in itself. Real danger can cause fear. But fear is not a danger. So, what are you afraid of? You're fearful of the symptoms fear can cause, and you're afraid of fear itself.

 

You're not afraid of the shopping line, theatre, or doctor's office. You're scared of how you will feel if symptoms of panic intrude on your occasion. You have associated these other things and places with fear, but it's just fear of fear that have you panicking. And, sometimes, you can tell you're going to have a panic attack before it's ever going to happen, can't you? You get out of bed in the morning, and you can feel it's one of 'those' days. And you're already afraid before your toes even touch the floor.

 

 

What If?

 

As soon as you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, your heart begins to pound or beat irregularly, or you begin to sweat or breathe funny, and you begin to wonder, "What if?" thoughts. Am I right?

 

• "What if I faint?"
• "What if I hit my head or injure myself when I faint?"
• "What if I have a heart attack?"
• "What if I run off the road, wreck my car, hurt or kill myself, my kids, my friend, or hurt or kill someone else?"
• "What if I'm crazy and end up in the nut house? Who will care for my fish, cat, dog, kids, _______ (fill in the blank)?"
• "What if I look like I make a complete fool of myself?"
• "What if I die?"

 

 It just gets better and better. In such moments, you must say, "WHATEVER!" or "SO WHAT!" Let's go over all of these "What if?" questions.

 

 

"What if I faint?" 

 

You probably won't, although some people do (sorry). However, it's not common. Usually, people are just afraid they will. And when people faint during an anxiety attack, it is generally because they are hyperventilating instead of taking deep, slow, even breaths. But what if you do faint? What's the worst that could happen? You'll fall asleep for a couple of minutes. Your body will calm down and wake up as soon as you pass out. Someone will probably have called 911. Paramedics will come and take your blood pressure, listen to your heartbeat, check your breathing, ask if you have eaten anything, tell you to go home and relax, and maybe make an appointment with your doctor to be on the safe side. What's the harm? None. If you hurt yourself when you fall, they will fix you up on the spot or take you for a ride to get your injury treated.

 

 

"What if I have a heart attack?"

 

You won't. An anxiety attack will not kill you. Earlier, I mentioned it's essential to get a check-up to rule out any anxiety-related physical causes. If you have been given a clean bill of health and have no heart condition, you will not have a heart attack. Some people worry about having a heart attack because they ache around their heart or get a sharp pain in the heart area when stressed, which isn't where the pain is when you have a heart attack. You will not have a heart attack from an anxiety attack. On the other hand, heart problems can cause panic attacks, so get a check-up to put your mind at ease.

 

 

"What if I run my car off the road….?"

 

WHATEVER! You will not run your car off the road. It's not going to happen. You may pull over, but you won't kill yourself or anyone else. It's called self-preservation. It is one thing for your inner fish to cause a panic attack out of the blue, but it's entirely another story for your inner fish to cause you to be in danger. Running off the road is dangerous. Your amygdalae would not allow you to run off the road any more than they'd let you jump off a skyscraper during a panic attack. Even if you were dizzy and hyperventilating and thought you were about to pass out, you would find it within yourself to pull your car over before you ever wrecked it, hurt, or killed yourself or anyone else unless you chose to do so.

 

Again, "What if I end up in the nut-house? Who will take care of my cat, kids, etc.?"

 

WHATEVER! It's never going to happen. You're not crazy. Stop believing your negative emotions. They lie. If you are not sure they are lying to you, make an appointment with your doctor or therapist and have it confirmed to stop wondering.

 

 

"What if I make myself look like a fool and shame myself?" 

 

SO WHAT! Does it matter? Really? You don't have to feel ashamed for having panic attacks. Stop worrying so much about what others think. That could be part of the reason you have panic attacks. Realize that most people don't know what a panic attack or being anxious all day is like. You are not less of a person but more of one for your bravery.

 

And, logically, is there anything you can't explain in life? It's not like you must say to the world, your boss, or even the check-out girl, "Hey. I'm having an anxiety attack. My heart's beating wildly. I can't see straight, and I'm about to lose my mind. I'm out of here!"

 

Calmly excuse yourself for 30 seconds, which will be long enough to get past the worst of it to be able to reason again. You may still be emotionally shaky, but 30 seconds is all it takes to function normally again. Excuse yourself. I know what you're going to say next.

 

But, "What if I can't excuse myself? What if I'm in a meeting, on a plane, or half-naked on the doctor's table? What then?"

 

I hear you loud and clear. I have been there myself. My answer is still "SO WHAT!" and so should yours. Thirty seconds tops, you are free and clear of your panic attack. It just doesn't last longer than that. It can't. You may still feel frazzled or even exhausted, but the worst is over in just 25-30 seconds.

 

 

"What if I Die?"

 

WHATEVER! You won't. Have you yet? After everything you have been through, you are still here. You are not going anywhere. You won't die. You won't. It can't happen. Stop believing your fear. And stop playing it safe. What I mean is, stop avoiding living for fear of dying. Even if you did die (which you won't), you wouldn't care afterward.

 

Realize your panic attack is not happening to you but for you. Your amygdalae are trying to protect you, and the result is experiencing physical symptoms. Do not fear them. You are not being attacked. And know that your inner fish are not the enemy. Your amygdalae are trying to protect you from your enemy. Your enemy is fear.

 

Get angry. Face your fear. Imagine it as a cartoon image if you have to and face it.

 

Stop fighting it. Slowly count backward from 25 to 1 while you are amidst a panic attack. A panic attack cannot physically last longer than that. You may feel shaken afterward, but the panic will stop. Your body isn't built to remain in a panic for longer than 20-25 seconds. You can survive 20-25 seconds. You've done it before. Don't worry about the panic attack leading to a never-ending heart attack or death because that won't happen. It will end, and it will end quickly.

 

Don't believe your negative thoughts! They lie!

 

As a woman, if you have ever been in labor, you know how a labor pain can seem to last forever, but, in reality, it only lasts 60 seconds. A panic attack lasts only half as long and won't repeat itself as labor does.

 

Wait for it to get as bad as it's going to get. In your mind, you might even chant, "Wait for it. Wait for it. WAIT FOR IT!" Then, whenever you feel you can't take anymore and think you're going to run away, pass out or die on the spot, demand the attack do its worst. Then, demand more! A panic attack depends on you running away and being terrified to continue. It needs avoidance to survive. Face it. Face your fear, and it disappears.

 

One of my favorite movies is The Count of Monte Cristo, an adventure novel by French author Alexandre Dumas, completed in 1844. In 2002, Jim Caviezel portrayed Edward Dantes as the father of Albert, who, upon being attacked by a group of thieves willing to see him "undone", responds by saying, "Do your worst." Albert survives without a scratch, thanks to his father intervening. At a dinner party days later, even though he is but a boy, Albert is toasted for being the type of man who would utter such noble words with such conviction in the face of danger and possible chance of demise.

 

Be an "Albert" or an "Alberta". At the peak of an anxiety attack, when you feel as if your world is falling apart, that you can't go on, you are about to die, that the real you has disappeared and may never come back, this is when you have to say to your fear, "Do your worst!". As soon as you say, "Do your worst!" the worst will be over. Fear feeds on fear. Run from it, and it will chase you down. Demand more, and it will leave you. Embrace it, and it will flee.

 

Laugh in the face of fear. Get excited instead!

 

The last thing you will probably be thinking of doing when you are terrified out of your wits (from your body betraying you with a full-blown panic attack) is laughing. Excitement and fear feel a lot alike. Excitement can make your heart race, your palms sweat, blood rush to your face, and make you feel pumped. Fear can make your heart race, your palms sweat, and blood rush to your face, making you feel pumped. Change your emotional focus from fear to excitement, and fear takes a back seat and disappears. Why is this? It's because excitement is accepted as a more positive state of mind by your inner fish. Excitement allows you to engage your senses instead of running from them.

 

Back when I first started having panic attacks, if someone had walked up to me when I was about to "lose it" and told me to laugh, I probably would have lost it, but not in a good way. I probably would have gotten angry and felt like seriously punching them in their face. But, what you resist persists. Now, I know what works. You cannot have an anxiety attack while you are laughing.

 

Learn to laugh at your fear. Drag out your sense of humor and use it. Laughing and joking it away can get you over the peak of an anxiety attack and down the other side. Once your panic attack subsides, imagine a calm place in your mind, a place that instantly calms your mind and heart.

 

You cannot have a panic attack while you are laughing.

 

Remember, you can leave the situation whenever you choose (the shopping line, the game, the freeway, etc.). You never have to be anywhere you do not want to be. If you stay, it is because you choose to, which means you own the power. You don't have to be frightened away by your physical feelings. Understanding this is tremendously self-empowering and creates self-confidence. It is your personal "out". Stop fearing the sensations. They won't hurt or kill you. They won't. Have they yet?

 

The trick to easing panic attacks is to want to have them, to get excited about having them, so you can face them and be rid of them. It's probably not what you were hoping to hear. You may have been hoping for something easier, a magic pill, but it's the only natural cure for ending your panic attacks and phobias.

 

I suggest setting some SMART goals for yourself right away. SMART stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. Focus on your body and what it and your inner fish need. Remember, 50% of all stress is physical. Commit to making lifestyle changes and thinking more positively.

 

Seek counseling if you suspect you need it. There's no shame in that. Love your inner fish. They love you. And send "fear of fear" on its way. It's your choice now. You know what to do.

 

 

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