Relationship Red Flags

Relationship red flags are those emotional alerts that demand your attention and tell you when something is not quite right about a person, place, or thing. Your intuition notices red flags. Feeling confused, uncomfortable, or unsafe around another person is a red flag. 

I wish I could say I've always heeded these intuitive warnings, but I'd be lying. If I had, I would have saved myself years of frustration, loneliness, gobs of herpes breakouts, and despair. Hindsight is wonderful.

Trust your gut feeling and the emotions you experience when around others. Walking around on eggshells all of the time is a sign of abuse. If you continue to feel this way long-term, you'll suffer more frequent herpes breakouts or worse.

The following are red flags of being in a toxic relationship or a relationship having the potential to become toxic.

• It's always about the other person's needs, wants, and desires. Yours don't matter.

• You're more often fatigued, physically distressed, or drained around this person than not.

• The person mocks you regarding your expressions, looks, job, how you act, and what you say, or mocks family and friends.

• You're afraid to express your thoughts, feelings, and ideas for fear of being yelled at, criticized, accused of being wrong, or in trouble.

• You often play the maid or butler, parent, teacher, or therapist role.

• You can never get a direct answer.

• You're told you are crazy or stupid (or are called other derogatory names) regularly.

• You martyr yourself (you give up your values, traditions, and needs) to maintain the relationship.

• The person attempts to control your appearance (what you wear, hairstyle, cosmetics, and weight), social activities, hobbies, and finances.

• You don't feel you can trust this person. You feel unsafe or are constantly walking on eggshells.

• The other person blames you or takes their bad mood out on you. Your partner expects you to do all the work emotionally and physically.

• You're always unhappy or find yourself complaining about your relationship.

• You find you no longer do or enjoy the things that used to matter to you.

• The other person has physically, emotionally, sexually, or financially abused you, including neglecting you in any of these areas.

• You're often told, "You're just like _______ (his or her ex, mother, father, step-parent) that they dislike, disrespect, resent, or hate (you fill in the blank), which is just another way of saying it is all your fault they feel the way they do.

• If your wish to resolve conflicts isn't appreciated or respected, this is also a red flag. Together, evaluate your relationship and establish some boundaries and priorities.

Let's face it. Sometimes, we can all be a bit of a jerk, but if this attitude from your partner (friend, family, coworker, boss) continues, seriously consider breaking off this relationship before it breaks you. Stress is the number one cause of all life's pains.

If you recognize several red flags waving, you might also want to see Beware the Narcissist.